Journal+6

Topic: Teens and Loss

1) How do teens cope with loss? 2) When and how did he die? (York Dispatch) 3) How did this event impact Central? (York Dispatch) 4) How does loss of a loved one affect teens? 5) How do teens react to loss of a loved one? 6) How are teens recommended to cope with loss? 7) How long does it normally take a teen to cope with loss of a friend/family member? 8) Does the age of the loved one affect how a teen copes? 9) If a death is expected does it affect the coping process/impact on the teen? 10) How many teens have dealt with the loss of a loved one?

__ Coping with a Loss Through Therapy Susan Campbell __ Studies show that those who undergo therapy after a natural loss are not any better off than those who do not. They also show that 1/3 of people who begin therapy after a loss become worse. George Bonanno, a professor of psychology, says that those who suffer from a loss may experience serious depression from one to three years after the death of a loved one. He also claims that eighty to ninety percent are not in need of grief counseling and about fifty percent are just fine without any treatment at all. A study by Dutch researchers, Margaret and Wolfgang Stroebe, show that those who lost their spouse and wrote down or discussed their feelings were at the same level of grieving as spouses who did not. It is believed that therapy may prolong the grieving process by encouraging reminders of one’s loss to be brought up time and time again. Campbell, Susan. "Does therapy prolong the agony? (Grief)." //Psychology Today// 35.4 (2002): 28. //Student Resource Center - Gold//. Web. 31 Mar. 2011.

Campbell, Susan. "PowerSearch Logout." //GaleNet//. Cengage Learning, 1 July 2002. Web. 31 Mar. 2011. .

__Psycology Today PT Links.psychology Web sites)(Brief Article)__ Links of web sites for kids to grieve with loss.

__ Understanding Bereavement Joyce A. Woodford __ Feelings: Denial, shock, fear, sadness, guilt, difficulty doing everyday tasks, helplessness, tearfulness Physical: headaches, dizziness, weakness, change in eating habit, trouble sleeping, too much sleep, fatigue "There is no right way to grieve, however there are wrong ways." Wrong Ways: alcohol/drug abuse risk taking, avoid fun activities, avoid friends Things that Help during Coping Process: eat/sleep/exercise appropriately, spend time with friends, keep routines, get help, allow to be emotional and unemotional.

http://www.k-state.edu/counseling/topics/life/grief.html

__Inside the Grieving Brain (2) Jerry Adler__

Those who are deceased never completely disappear. We’re reminded of them in dreams, and photos around the house. Some fin comfort in dreaming of them and others don’t when they wake up to a world without the loved one in their sleep. Grieving matches the closeness of the relationship.

__Grief Begins to Ease at Six Months (3) Family Practice News__

Grieving that follows the usual pattern peaks and begins to decrease at six months. Disbelief lowered after the first month. Yearning increased until 4 months after. Anger peaked at 5 months and as it declined, depression came and disappeared after 18 months. Acceptance is immediate and increasing throughout the next 2 years. Normal cycle is disbelief, anger, yearning, depression, and acceptance. “Disbelief was not the dominant grief indicator. Acceptance was the most-often endorsed item. Yearning was the most common negative psychological response at all times in 2 years, and significantly more common than depression.

__Memorial Way (4) Maria Misek__

Death of immediate family members and close friends are in the top 20 significant event impacting one’s emotional and physical wellness. The more unexpected a death, the less the family pays attention to who’s attending the funeral and what people are saying and singing.

__How To Cope with Loss of a Loved One (5) Margena A. Christian__

Everyone grieves differently. “Rev Dr. Arlene Churn says that one way to cope with death is by accepting that life and death are a part of life.” The end of someone’s life is just the beginning of your life without them. “It won’t be the same, but it will still be life.” You may be in denial, but you must eventually accept they’re not coming back to proceed in the grieving process. There is no set time when grieving will stop and start, it could take years or months. If you are stuck in the grieving process, it’s okay to seek help from a professional. Our modern world doesn’t “like to talk about it (death) or be reminded of it.” It’s okay to hold onto things after your loved one dies, but it is unhealthy years later. Marrice Converson, a pastor, advises seeking your faith, and believing there is a life after death. She also recommends having friends to support you, and not be alone right after the funeral. Time is the best coping tool. Give it time.

__Loss and the Grieving Process (6) Mary Lou Cappel & Susan Leifer Shaffer__

“How we mourn depends on our state of readiness and our perception of loss.” Whether or not the death is expected one’s first reaction is shock and disbelief. People may react by crying loudly or quietly, and their shock can be large or small. These are all normal, although they differ largely, and do not last a significant time. The next stage involves extreme emotional pain and feelings such as “anxiety, fright, helplessness, hyperactivity, aggression, or regression,” guilt, anger, shame, and most prominently regret. After the strong emotions leave, one goes through a readjustment period, when they change certain things in their lives because of the deceased.

__Easing the Pain Through Intervention (6.1) N.A.__

Friends often are unsure of how to help the bereaved. They wonder what do I say and how do I help? When one hears of a loss they can offer support, say they are sorry for the loss, and do not offer their own experiences of loss. Most people who have recently lost a loved one are unaware of what they want, so it is best to be there for them and assure them they are not alone. It is unhealthy to ignore the grieving process, “it will only magnify the reaction at a later date.” Grieving is also full of ups and downs it is not a steady decrease in sadness.

__Coping with Your Own Grief (6.2) N.A.__

-Accept your emotions

-Express your feelings

-Don’t expect you grief to disappear overnight

-Bring your children/family member into the grieving process

-Avoid long periods of isolation

-Help yourself an others through support groups

-Rest and eat well

-Regain your routine/schedule as soon as possible

-Allow your friends to help you

-Consider professional counseling

__Reducing Depression Among Adolescents Dealing with Grief and Loss (7) Paulette Walker & Michelle Shaffer__

When a teen’s loved one dies violently or unexpectedly, they are more likely to struggle with depression, destructive behaviors, substance abuse, self-mutilation, and eating disorders. Schilling and colleagues found that if a teen is not supported during grieving in their teen years, the death might affect them later in life. When teens grieve they tend to put off emotions or cover them up. A study done in correctional facilities showed that 96% of people said they had lost someone significant in their lives. Teens averaged 6 losses each. 61% of those teens turned to drugs, alcohol, and self-mutilation. After putting into place the Growing Through Loss program, staff in the facility noticed that teens heal when they are in a safe, non-judgemental place to grieve.

__Young Adult Reactions to Death in Literature and in Life (8) Sandrea DeMinco__

Young adults often do not receive support adults in the grieving process. Adults often do not support teens due to their reluctance to share their feelings or show emotion. Again, if one puts off grieving during childhood they will continue to grieve, in extreme cases, for decades following their death. Adults take the role of the protector and mask their feelings to make it seem as though everything is okay. Teens take this as an acceptable way to cope and hide their feelings too. "Viewing their grieving parents as vulnerable and in need of protection . . . they [young adults] often sacrifice their own need to grieve in an effort to spare their parents because they think that talking about their own grief will just upset them more" (Cook & Dworkin, 1992, p. 127). Teens do not often open up and have conversation about their grief, but instead are silent or confrontational.

__ A Messy Grieving Process is Still a Healthy One (9) Renee Montagne __

Acceptance is the first seen step of grief in new studies and the most common. The main bad feeling wasn’t being sad or angry, it was yearning.

__ Ways to Support a Bereaved Friend (10) Victor M. Parachin __

1) Write a short, comforting note.

2) Call and visit frequently.

3) Realize healing is not immediate.

4) Listen from your heart.

5) Encourage those mourning to accept their feelings.

6) Do not say cliché things. They only attempt to mask the grief.

7) Invite them to do something with you.

8) Encourage thought before making quick decisions.

__Spirals of Grief (10.1) The Caring Place__ The stages of grief are intermixing and never ending. We may move through different “stages” of grief at different times and return to them later on. We often move from intense pain, numbness, and exhaustion. We may heal, but something may trigger te grief again. A trigger can be “a birthday or other holiday; the anniversary of the death; seeing some clothing once worn by the one who died; catching a smell of perfume, or food cooking; hearing an old song; the death of a pet or another relative or friend.” Instead of believing you are done grieving as the pain decreases, realize that it may return. We never really “get over” it.

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